I made a book book!

Mead Fat 'lil notebook $1.47 + leftover scrapbook paper + glitter glue +dollar bin iron-on = super cute book book!

And now I have a tangible place to keep track of what books I read. It's hundreds of tiny pages to fill with thoughts on books. What I read. Why I read what I read. Who gave me the book or suggested the title. Where I read it. How it made me feel. Whatever I desire to write about that book at that time.

Not just a list, an archive, an inventory.

2011 Books Read

No, I did not read 2011 books. Maybe there should be a hyphen... 2011 - Books Read. Or Books Read - 2011. Anyway here they are. Listed most recent at the top.

• The Help by Kathryn Stockett


• Dreams Underfoot by Charles De Lint


• Mansfield Park by Jane Austen


• A Plain Life: Walking My Belief by Scott Savage


• House of Many Ways by Diana Wynne Jones J


• esusWith Dirty Feet by Don Everts


• The Age of Reason by Jean Paul Sartre


• Castle in the Air by Diana Wynne Jones


• California Gold by John Jakes


• Jane Austen's Little Advice Book by Cathryn Michon and Pamela Norris


• Brave New World by Aldous Huxley


• Enthusiasm by Polly Shulman


• Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes


• Howl's Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones


• Bella novelizationby Lisa Samson


• Across Five Aprils by Irene Hunt


• The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri


• Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte


• Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King


• Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers


• Surprise Me: A 30 Day Faith Experiment by Terry Esau


• Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring


• I Am by Steve Fry


• Fireworks by Elizabeth White


• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Last Battle


• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Silver Chair


• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader


• The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian


• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Horse and His Boy


• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe


• The Chronicles of Narnia: The Magician's Nephew

That's 31. That makes an average 11.7 days to complete each book. {Because I like doing the math.}

Word of 2012

I've come across the idea of having a word of the year ~ kind of in place of a resolution ~ in a few different blogs. Of course now I can't remember which blogs I've read them or anything. When you Google "word of the year" all you get is dictionary type results. The words that were big in the world not for individuals.

My word for 2012 is SEEK. God gave it to me yesterday while I when I saw a Word of the Year mentioned on The Rusted Chain blog. I wasn't planning on having a word. It just was there in my head when I read the post.

Seek can mean so many things. Seek first His kingdom. Seek your passion. Seek beauty. Seek peace. Seek relationships. Seek God.

I decided to use the black canvas I got for Christmas and went through my stash of found items to come up with something to put in my room for the year. Since most of the items that came to me were gold, I went with it and painted "Seek" in gold.

Then I stapled gold ribbons on the back (I adore using my craft stapler-it makes such a satisfying noise) that came off my gift from Elizabeth. Now it is hanging on my curtain rod for me to see every day and remember to Seek! As a happy accident the small medalion in the bottom center is magnetic. Each week I intend to pick a verse that uses seek, search or another synonom and attach it to the magnet (handy-dandy note card and gold paper clip), so that I can memorize verses.

No thanks, Edward Scissorhands

I went to the specialist/surgeon yesterday. She was pretty confident that it is just a fibroid tumor - no biggie. I was given the option of leaving it in there. But she also said it is about 10 centimeters! That creeps me out. I've got something the size of a large orange or grapefruit growing inside me. Sure, I don't have any bad symptoms now, but sheesh 10 centimeters!

Just so you can get an idea, it's about half the length of my forearm. So I've got surgery scheduled for December 27th. My very first surgery. Scary and exciting. I'll have a story and a scar! I'm nervous and oddly looking forward to the surgery. I was given the option of laparoscopic via robot or a more traditional surgery. I opted for the good ol' hands on approach. Yes, there can be more pain and longer healing time, but robot operations... not for me. Another thing I don't like about laparoscopic - less invasive but longer because they have to cut that sucker up inside me to pull it out the tiny holes. I have this image of Edward Scissorhands chopping up the tumor to get it out. Eeep!

It's True

I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I have a tumor. Chances are it is a uterine fibroid - which is benign and not horribly uncommon in women. But it is big. I don't know how big. The ultrasound tech showed mom and I the image on the screen. The tumor looks larger than my uterus (however big that is). Now I am waiting for the gynecological specialist at UNC to call and schedule an appointment. When my doctor told me they were referring me to a specialist, she said "Don't freak out. He is a gynecoligist oncologist. But he is the best. He's who I would go to." Funny. "Don't freak out." I've got a mass of some large size in my stomach. I don't know how long it has been growing there. I may need surgery. It could be something worse than a fibroid. "Don't freak out." I'm freaking out a little.
Lord, help give me peace and patience as I wait for my phone to ring and as I go through the process of complete diagnosis. Help me remember that joy comes from knowing you and your saving grace. That things of this world are nothing compared to knowing you. You are strong enough to take on everything for me. I'm not doing this alone.

I have this idea...

I think that I could take pictures with my fancy camera phone (okay, it's not fancy, it's not even smart, but it takes okay pictures) and post them. That's a simplified explanation. They would be a way to show you my day in pictures. Images that trigger some memory or send me off on a thought tangent. A way to keep me open to God's beauty all around me. So as I walk my dog or go about my every day life, I can snap a shot and tell you what it means to me. Or just because it is pretty. Well that is the idea. It is a good idea. But I am an idea person. Bad on follow through. Here's a bunch of pretty pictures.
Note: I haven't figured out how to format and layout how I would like it to be and the post editing page doesn't look like how it looks like posted. So I have to go back and forth, back and forth. I'm sure there is an easy way for smart people...

I was noticing how even in spring it seems there are colors from fall. Spring isn't all pastels and bunnies. There are oranges and shades of red.

But then, when you look real close, what looked orange-ish is a what looks like pink and green. Whirly gigs, helicopters.

At the dead end street near where I live, there happens to be a bunch, I mean A BUNCH of wisteria. They always make me think of my mother. She really liked them so one year for her birthday or Mother's Day (which happen in the same month) us kids bought her a wisteria vine. She planted it in the back yard. I don't know if it still at that house, if it is growing wild through the new people's yard or they've cut it down.

But those purple vines will always make me think of that.

I spent the past Saturday at Avila in Durham. It is a retreat center sponsored by the Catholic Dioceses of Raleigh. They have their own programs, you can bring your own group or go on your own. I went with hopes of... honestly, I wanted God to tell me exactly what to do with my life. What I should be when I grow up, how I should be serving him, where I should live. But God doesn't do what you want him to do. He does what is best for you.

God used my time on Saturday to assure me in a very real, clear and personal way that he is near me.

I walked the meditation path and God walked with me.

I wandered into the library and picked up a book.

"You are near Lord,

The Lord is near to all of us,

because he is everywhere.

We cannot escape him...

nor deceive him...

nor lose him...

God watches everything,

he sees everything.

He is close to each one of us;

as he says:

I am a God who is close at hand."

~St. Ambrose

I wrote in my journal and read The Word.

Lamentations 3:57 "You came near when I called you, and you said, "Do not Fear."

Psalm 73:28 "But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds."

Psalm 139, Luke 6:68, 69, James 4:8

Yesterday in church, during communion, I was reminded of the miracle of The Trinity and a God who is near. He didn't stay in his lofty heavens looking down on his creation. He came to earth as a man and sent his Holy Spirit to dwell in all who believe, so that he can be near to us. God created, Christ died, The Spirit came so that everyone can have a personal relationship with their creator. John 6:38-40

There were no neon signs giving me green lights and direct paths, but knowing that He is near and walking by faith is more precious than that.